Being human, most of the times, we are not satisfied with what we have, may it be material stuffs or the emotional stuffs. Material stuffs are the common stuffs. We always wanted more money, wanted all the nicest cars, house, dresses, bags, shoes...all those. While emotional stuffs, we always wanted more power, more love, more tougher etc. M not gonna go into details all those.
This morning, I received a text from a male friend - a good male friend I have to say. And his text bothered me. We had been a good friend for over a decade now and all of sudden, he wants to change the status 'friendship' to 'relationship'. I was like, "WHAT?" What happened? I mean, we had no problems being friends but why now he wants to change it? For me, I valued friendship more than relationship. In other way, if you ask me to choose between a good friend and a boyfriend, I won't hesitate to choose a good friend. Coz a good friend is a friend to last you a lifetime. A boyfriend, well, if he is the one for me, he will be getting alone just fine with my friend.
I don't like to change friendship to relationship. If I want to be in a relationship, I would treat the guy differently. I did that once - converting a childhood friendship into a relationship and trust m, it didn't got that well. Me and him, we always said that if our relationship didn't work out, we can stay friends, like we used to be but when the relationship ends, so does the friendship. True, we do keep on touch with one another but somehow, it's no longer the same.
In today's case, I don't want history to repeat itself. He is a good friend of mine and I valued his friendship so much that I don't want to hurt him. If anyone of you outthere asking me why I can't accept him more than friend, let's just say that my feeling for him is pure friendship. Why don't I give him a chance? Maybe this time it would be different? Maybe he is the one for me? Coz I don't want to 'experiment' with my feelings and I don't want to hurt his feeling.
The matter of the hearts or feelings are quiet complicated. I know most of my friends and my colleagues told me that m a very choosy person and now, at 28 years old, everyone kept on reminding me that my options (of men) are slowly thinning out. In other words, don't be so choosy or you would end up being an old spinster - that would be the harsh truth but of course no one ever dares to say that to my face. Honestly, I don't know who m waiting for. There is no one in particular m waiting for. If you ask me whether m ready for a commitment, I would say that I am. But the thing is, I don't want to commit with just any man. I want to commit with someone m really really sure of. It's not a time for experiment-ing feelings (as my ex bf used to say). My time is over for that.
For the last 2 years, I lost count on how many men I broke their hearts and I vowed to myself not to that again but somehow, it just tooo damned difficult. I don't go out and look for them, they look for me! They said opposite attracts and there are some proofs to that. But when I meet men who are the opposite attracts from me, I don't feel the attractions, the connections, the 'sparks', the chemistry and what-ever-else-you-want-to-call-it. This good friend, he is the opposite attracts from me but I had known him for a long time that I get used to his 'quietness'. Well, I guess now he is no longer quiet of his feelings for me.... URRGGGhhhh...why life has to be so complicated? Oh...let me correct that, why feelings have to get in a way of friendship???
I don't know what to do. I haven't reply his text and I HATE confrontation. I know eventually I have to come face-to-face with him but at the moment, I really have no idea what to do or say to him.....
Assalamualaikum sekalian alam
3 years ago