Dispatcher : 911. What is your emergency?
Caller : Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham and cheese sandwich.
Dispatcher : Excuse me?
Caller : I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen table and when I came back from the bathroom, someone had taken a bite out of it.
Dispatcher : Was anything else taken?
Caller: No, but this has happened to me before and I'm sick and tired of it!
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Dispatcher : 911. What is the nature of your emergency?
Caller : I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have an eleven in it.
Dispatcher : This is nine eleven.
Caller : I thought you just said it was nine-one-one.
Dispatcher : Yes Ma'am. Nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing.
Caller : Honey, I may be old but I'm not stupid.
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Dispatcher : 911. What is the nature of your emergency?
Caller : My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart.
Dispatcher : Is this her first child?
Caller : No, you idiot! This is her husband!
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Dispatcher : 911
Caller : Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath. Darn... I think I'm going to pass out.
Dispatcher : Sir, where are you calling from?
Caller : I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster.
Dispatcher : Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you asthmatic?
Caller : No.
Dispatcher : What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing?
Caller : Running from the police.
Source: The Office Inbox Jokes for Him, page 65.
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