Tangan di Hulurkan, Maaf di Pohonkan

Thursday, November 6, 2008
Been awhile I didn't update my blog and jot down what's been happening in my life and the world lately! Too buzy? Too lazy? Basically not in the mood to update anything! So many things had happened lately, with Ramadhan gone and we are still in the festive month. My Ramadhan went smoothly, Alhamdulillah and Syawal - tangan di hulurkan, maaf di pohonkan! I did my fair share of beraya and open houses. Met almost all of my old mates and some I didn't have the chance to meet yet! Overall, I lost some sleep during the first week of raya, who doesn't? Haha! I started back to work (like everyone else) after 4 days of raya-ing. 5 days of work, 3 weeks of leave and here I am, on my fourth day of work, having my half day off...haha!

Believe it or not, when I send in my leave application, my boss asked me why I want to take a 3-week leave as in 21 days? I told him (in my serious tone and facial expression), that I'm getting engaged! He, being lurus bendul (haha! kesian my boss), expressed his heartfelt congratulation and said, "Who is that very unlucky man?" EEESSSHHH!!! Haha! I'm not that bad!!! Haha! yeah, right! So, back to the story, since the day I send in my leave application till last week, everyone kept on asking me whether I'm getting engaged. My answer? Just wait and see! Haha! I like to tease people. I guess in a way it teaches them to be less busybody...haha!

Okay, here I will straight up the story - I'm not commited to any guy at the moment and I don't see the prospect of me getting engaged anytime soon! So...for those of you clever people outthere, I think I make it very clear!

Speaking of guy and commit, how you make yourself invisible and unattractive?? Haha! I'm not saying that I'm attractive but somehow, it's hard for me to 'escape' from the male species. 1 male 'gone' from my life, another 2 come! Ignore them, it's quiet hard coz 1 of them work at the same place as mine. I mean, it's bad for the work environment! And the other 1 is a friend of a friend. And honestly, it's bad for my health and conscience. This 1st guy, happens also to be a friend of another guy that I 'rejected' before while the 2nd guy, lets just say that this time it's his 2nd try of trying....haha! Which make it so hard....

'Rejected' is phrase I use when I give the guy a chance. I befriend with him, go out lunch/dinner with him, watch movie together and basically get to know each other. When I don't feel the connection, that's what I meant by 'rejected'. And bear in mind, 'rejected' doesn't mean that I don't befriend with them after that. Most of the males I dated and rejected, I always told them we are still friends but somehow, I think it hurts their egos that most of them just went silent after that. I don't mind if they don't want to be my friends anymore but I also don't want to make enemies. I mean, it would be very very weird if one day, we are to meet at a place or a function and sour faces everywhere...YIKES!!!

So, I was thinking, if I can't be unattractive (coz I'm sadang attractive..haha!), I decide to make myself invisible. How's that? And talking about invisible, how to be invisible? Does that mean less talking? Coz I'm very talkactive! Attend less social function? Done that! Mingle less with the up-and-coming faces of Brunei? Haha! Since when I mingle with them?? Haha! I reached my 27 years of living 2 weeks ago and maybe I should make it as my birthday resolution. That is - hurt less, eat more! Haha...that is the lousiest resolution ever, I guess! I mean, I couldn't help it if guys are attracted to me and I'm not! And it's not my fault that they couldn't be a grown up man for it and accept rejection! I didn't intend to hurt anyone coz I know how it feels to be hurt. I had been there so trust me, I don't want to do that to anyone - well, except for someone! I might look innocent (haha...banar kah tu?) but at this moment, I do HATE someone and man, don't I just wish that person harm. YUP! I'm using the word H-A-T-E which trust me, I rarely use! Most of the time, I use the word dislike. But this time, to this person, I do HATE that person. Luckily, that person is not here and not within my reach, Alhamdulillah. Coz if that person is within my reach, I cannot imagine what I would do to that person. What made me hate that person so much?? That is something that no one will dig out from me!! Until my revenge is replenish! Revenge....it's just a word but can cause a deadly effect. To this person, no tangan di hulurkan, no maaf di pohonkan. That person should be that one doing and saying all those things to ME!!!!

Don't you worry your sleep over it coz my revenge won't come anytime soon. InsyaAllah, if um
ur panjang, so does my revenge!

People say, to live happy, you must forgive and forget. Funny thing, I used to say that but this time, revenge is my next best thing. I will not stop until you suffer. I will not stop until you feel how I used to feel. Bear in mind, "used to feel" coz now, I don't feel anything, anymore. I closed up my feelings. That's the only thing that made me tough and stubborn! Please, don't fear me! I'm just a human being afterall. Fear Allah the AlMighty! That's the reason why I dare to take revenge coz I don't fear you. I only fear HIM!

To everyone else, don't be offended. Revenge is not for you but for that one particular person (I hope that person knows). So to everyone else,

Tangan di hulurkan
Maaf di pohonkan
Selamat Belated Hari Raya
Maaf Zahir dan Batin

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