The Ups and Downs of Life...

Tuesday, August 19, 2008
No one says that life is always beautiful, perfect and at peace. No! That would be a lie. And behind every faces that you see, there are some stories and memories that better left undisturbed. For me, I think I'm suffering the 'down period' of my life ever....I mean so far. Can you imagine, I'm coming 27 years old and I'm facing the worst problem ever! Don't say that I'm having a middle age crisis...haha! Unless, my age is not that long. So, if I'm having a middle age crisis, does that mean, I won't be around to reach 50 years old? Nauzubillah....it's all in Allah's hand.

I don't know what's happening to me. It all started end of last month and still continue. I'm moody most of the time and to be honest, I'm being a lousy friend for this period....and yeah, make that lousy colleague too. I like to be alone most of the time nowdays but I'm still good with my family and brothers. My colleagues are all surprised to see me quiet (I'm quiet talkactive most of the time).

My problems? I know what my problems are but it's a nature of me to bottle everything up and just ignore 'it' until it cannot be ingnore anymore! But of course, this time, it's different from the other problems and no matter how much I want to ignore it, I just can't. Entah lah but somehow I'm just the type of person who couldn't trust someone that much. I'm soooo scared of being hurt. I tried to talk to a starnger about this, but somehow, I stopped in the middle of discussion. There are times when I couldn't sleep and have to force myself to sleep just from thinking about this problems and when I did manage to get some sleep, I ALWAYS woke up in the middle of the night. I should wake up and do Sembahyang Tahajjud instead of falling back to sleep. My only solution to my problems is to sembahyang and pray very hard to Allah SWT. That's the only peace I seek! And InsyaAllah, everything will just go back to normal.

They said air mata wanita selalu murah (easy to flow) but mine, my tears are leaking! Most of the times, I would cry for no apparent reason and woke up with a pair of fluffy eyes. Everytime someone asked why my eyes had dark circles, my only answer is - heavy reading!

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